This just in from the Democratic National Convention: there are reports this morning that some of the balloons dropped last night after Senator John Kerry’s acceptance speech may have slowed his exit from the FleetCenter. It remains to be seen how this mix-up will affect the democratic candidate’s standing in the polls, but top campaign [...]

Tomorrow is my last day of college. And I am still procrastinating. This was a habit I had planned to rid myself of long ago, alas…

Five pages of simplistic Spanish musings about the book “Mosen Millan” stand between me and my diploma. I could write them in one hour and be done with it before [...]

Though I doubt any of my reader(s) rely on me as their sole news source, it is possible that some of you don’t have time to read as much as you’d like. And even for those who do, it occurs to me that some of you might not be browsing the exact same Internet as [...]

I love my girlfriend. That’s a true statement; its truth is undiminished by the fact that I was obligated to write it.

“You can write whatever you want,” said she, “as long as you first write that you love me.”

“But I do love you.”

“Then write it.”

See, she’s painting the family room. Again. Actually, there should be [...]

Well, I was going to keep this a secret as long as possible, knowing the huge public outcry it would cause, but I finally decided you had a right to know: I’m going to quit writing.

Yep. That’s right. Hear those loud booms? Those are the pillars of humanity crumbling. Well, I hope insurance covers it, [...]

It was evening. Cloudy, humid, and hot. I was sitting on the couch watching Law & Order, wondering how many dust mites my sticky skin was picking up, when I looked outside and saw a bright streak of golden orange light against my neighbor’s garage.

Then I heard thunder. And then I heard rain.

It was storming [...]

Would it be wrong of me to try to sleep in the basement tonight? There are some shelves down there I could clear off, and if I covered my face with a sheet I’m pretty sure I could keep the spiders out of my mouth.

Because it’s too hot to move anywhere else in the house. [...]

There are some mornings when I am sure I’m going to die before I get to the bathroom. I walk as though a vigorous game of tug-of-war were being played, with my arms as the rope. Sometimes, miraculously, I make it out the doorway into the hall. Other times it smacks into my shoulder like [...]

Ikea is the Swedish Wal-Mart. Big store, lots of stuff, really cheap. Difference? Only one is great.

It is not Wal-Mart, the one that is great.

Evidence of this: you don’t see hundreds of people camped out in tents waiting for a new Wal-Mart to open (unless they’re protesters). Ikea, which opened its first store here in [...]